my quirks. my joys. my passions. my life.: Day 1

Hi.

This is Jostlyn.

I was going to post this on my "married" blog, but I think the statement below is more on the negative side and I want to keep the "married" blog happy. For the most part. So this blog gets this post. *Winner!*

So. I hate when I have these contradicting moments. Where I wanna say screw you to the world but in the same breath I thank God for all the I have. It makes me feel mental. Or unappreciative. Ungrateful. I mean, I guess I am *just* human. I'm allowed to have bad days. And not even that today was "bad." It was fairly good. I got up and went to work, edited a gorgeous bride, took pics of a handsome 9 month old, went to dinner with the husband and a funny movie alone. (The husband had work tonight). I even put makeup on today, which is something I rarely do nowadays, so I felt somewhat sexy. Sounds fun and eventful, yes? It WAS! My life is great, and I know I'm extremely blessed. So why the "screw you" crap escaping my mouth?

Blah.

Some days I get overwhelmed.

Ok, most days. Sometimes, people with the seemingly *perfect* life don't... have a perfect life. No one does. Quite frankly, I would never trade my misfortunes with someone else's, but that doesn't mean I don't have them.

So. Here's the deal.

(The more I write, the more I seem like I'm a big fat baby, but honestly, today has been a *good* day and I need to write about the days that are truly awful so I don't look like I cry over spilled milk).

A couple weeks ago my lens fell out of my camera bag onto the concrete. I wasn't too concerned because it wasn't that far of a drop and. Well. I wasn't concerned. Like an idiot. But now that I've used it a bit more, I can tell that something is definitely wrong with it. And.. it's a nicer lens. It's the lens that I use when I shoot cute babies with, or portraits for a nice creamy background. For a while, it was the only lens I shot with. And it now has problems focusing correctly and/or quickly. It's so frustrating. I feel like.. I've worked so hard to get where I'm at. I've worked so hard and yet still don't have enough money for the equipment I want, so when I DO get equipment, it's like my baby. My 50 mm is my baby. And I can hear all the people out there thinking, "Well if it was your baby, why did you let it fall out of your bag?" I don't know what to tell you. I don't. I'm an idiot. So now... I get to spend money getting it repaired, or possibly a whole brand new one. Which sucks because I'm not exactly rolling in the dough. Ok, I admit. I'm super poor. I sit at biolife twice a week donating my plasma for grocery money. So.. as you can see, this whole situation is just. Frustrating. Because all I do is work and work and work and work, and then crap like this happens. And it's like WHY?! Why...

*sigh*

On to better things.

I decided I'm going to do a post a day. A picture a day. Of me. Because.. being a photographer, you don't get many pictures of yourself. You just don't. That's probably a good thing as of late, seeing that I go to work with wet hair and tired eyes, but I'm going to be better. I know I'm a bit late and should have started this the beginning of this year, but better late than never right?