My Missionary

This topic is both an exciting thing to write about.. and also an interesting thing to write about. I know there are many who feel waiting for missionaries is a stupid idea. I once thought this too. I had told myself many times I wouldn't do it... that it wasn't worth it... that so much could change in two years. Well the fact is: yes, so much can change in two years. So much has changed in six months. But I feel that we're changing together and for the better. Looking back when he left, I hardly recognize myself. Not just because I've cut my hair short and funky and dyed it black, but I feel like I've changed on the inside too. Shall I start from the beginning?

Carson and I met in seventh grade. He will tell you he does not remember this. But I do. (Boys and their memory issues). He sat in front of me in 7th period pre-algebra class. He turned around a couple times to talk to my friend and he and I had briefly exchanged hellos. There was one time in particular that we were unlocking our bikes from the bike rack and he had talked to me. ME. Me specifically. Not my friend. He was cute. But we didn't talk again after that. And I thought he was slightly weird and so not my type. But for the brief conversation at the bike rack, I felt an excitement! Ahh.. middle school crushes. Didn't last long though... by 8th grade I had moved on to another crush and 9th grade had another new crush. End of 9th grade I was so twitterpated for another boy. 10th grade, this boy and I.. we... uh.. kinda dated. Not officially. But we held hands! That counts for something right? In 10th grade, Carson and I had social dance together. We never were partners together, but there was one specific time where I couldn't get 2 full turns down with my partner. The teacher paired me with Carson to see if it was my fault for the fail in the dance, or my partner. She chose Carson because... well.. he knew what he was doing. I was nervous! He intimidated me! She turned on the music and just like that *snap* we had done the 2 full turns. Granted, he did all the work, but the guys have to lead in ballroom dancing and so therefore it was my partners fault and I didn't want to change back partners. Plus. In order to get these turns down in the amount of time given, you had to be close to your partner.. and well.. let's just say Carson won that competition. There were other times in social dance he interacted with me. Which he remembers none of this as well. He blames it on the fact that I had blond hair. hmm. sure.. anyways. There was another specific time we were sitting while the guys had to practice their part of the dance and Carson came and sat by me because he, of course, already had the part down. He gave me one side of his ear buds, and turned on Snow Patrol "Chasing Cars" and just sat there with me. Total butterfly moment but way random... but that's Carson for you.

Junior year came, and I didn't have any crushes. I went on dates for the school dances and such, and had a lot of good guy friends... but none in particular did I like. I went on a date to see "Little Women" put on by Dixie High School. Carson had one of the main guy parts and I enjoyed watching him. He was really good. He was dating a girl in the play at the time as well and I thought it was cute when they had their scenes together.

End of junior year, I tried out for Madrigals for my senior year. I was nervous as heck, and luckily I didn't have to sing in front of Carson. He was to be the president for our senior year and I knew he had an amazing voice. With some divine intervention, I made it! Early in the summer, Carson had contacted all the madrigals on facebook and made a group for us to stay in contact with each other. I went to EFY that summer, and it so happened to be the same time Carson went. We were in different sessions, but we were walking together in the hall to another class, so I decided to say hi. He hardly glanced in my direction, and I thought it odd he didn't recognize me. Turns out he didn't even see me, nor knew who I was. Super. That was a dumb attempt at conversation starting in the hall! But it was fine. I had someone else on my mind. When we both got home, Carson had written on my wall about a band we both liked, and he was surprised I liked them too. That got us talking a bit, and soon we started texting. Let me tell you... the weirdest thing of my life. Carson Stilson? Talking to me? It was almost annoying, yet at the same time, kind of intriguing. He wanted to hang out... I again thought that weird... so I got out of it always and sometimes hardly texted him all day. Without fail though, no matter how short or distant I was, I would get a "good morning" text. I thought this cute of him, but I knew far too well that Carson had dated many girls and it was just a tactic! ...which I fell for! haha. After a month of just strictly texting and trying to get to know more about each other that way, he and his girlfriend broke up because she was going away for college. I knew he was sad about it. A month or so later I was on my way to Lake Powell for a girls trip and he and I were texting. He was flirting off and on.. and it was strange to me. I called him on it and he avoided the conversation. Always keeping part of him a mystery. It was intriguing. I didn't have much cell reception there, and I missed him those 3 days I was there. Why? I asked myself this question a lot while I was there. It was weird. He wasn't my type.

I got home, and we continued to talk. We finally met one night, and then hung out again shortly after that. He bought my friend and I ice cream and things kinda grew from there. We went to a movie together.. it was supposed to be a double date to rescue an awkward situation for my friend.. but there ended up being 2 showings a half hour apart.. so I was stuck with him alone! Mortified! But it turned out ok! He drove me home and dropped me off at 9.. I had hinted I wanted to hang out more... but he insisted he needed to go to sleep. (HE IS SUCH A GRANDPA WHEN IT COMES TO GOING TO BED).

We began hanging out more, and by the end of summer I felt that we were really good friends.

Our senior year I hung out with him and his group of guy friends. I acquired a best friend Thomas and many good times with the others as well. Carson took me to 2 dances our senior year and we had many fun times together such as listening to our favorite band red and singing in madrigals.

All State - SLC

Kent's 6th Birthday

Halloween 2008

Thriller @ Tuacahn

Going to see Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

Being kidnapped for Senior Ball 2008

Senior Ball 2008

 Choir Tour SLC

Kenneth Cole Chirstmas 08

 

New Years 08

Angels Landing @ Zions 2009

D-Day Date

Madrigals 2008-2009

Brian Regan @ Tuacahn 2009

Graduation!

Good Friends :)

First semester of college wasn't my favorite. We weren't close much that semester. I had moved out of the house into an apartment with 2 of my best friends and that was fun, but also challenging because of working almost full time and school full time. I had made new friends though through my ward and such so things weren't too shabby. I missed him though because I was used to hanging out all the time. By Christmas, things began to get back to normal and we got each other gifts. We both wear Kenneth Cole Reaction perfume and cologne so we got each other that as well as RED t-shirts. We went to their concert in January and it was the best experience of our lives! We went snowboarding many times and we became best friends again slowly but surely. The last couple months before he left for his mission, we did as many fun things as we could fit in. I was busy with photography and work a lot, so most of the time it included me editing while he played video games. We also went to Lagoon and Vegas and Brian Regan and other Tuacahn shows. He took me on dates and went to some of Kent's baseball games. The day before he left, he gave Kent his PS3 and me all his sweats and pj bottoms. I think Kent got the better deal ;)

Brianhead January 2010

RED Concert

Casey & Brooke's Wedding

 

 How to Train Your Dragon 3D

 Mission Call Opening

 Minneapolis, Minnesota

Brian Regan 2010

 Vegas 2010

 At one of Kent's baseball games

So handsome :)

Lagoon

He left June 30, 2010 for Minneapolis, Minnesota. I cried that morning, but the rest of the day I was quite fine surprisingly. Maybe that's because we went to see Eclipse that day and saw Jacob with his shirt off? ;) Just kidding.

I wrote him every day while he was at the MTC. Sometimes multiple times a day. They have this site where you can write missionaries to the MTC for free, so I totally loved using that. Saved me a lot of stamps! ;) He wrote back when he could, and it was good knowing he was enjoying his time and not too homesick. He had a camera with him, so he sent me pictures and video often. It was really good to see his companions and district that he interacted with every day. I felt like I was friends with all of them as well.

He finally got to his first area with his trainer Elder Whitehead. I tried to write everyday like I had been doing, but things got really busy with me at home. My mom had twin girls and had a long recovery from her C-Section and many complications from the pregnancy. I tired to help her out as much as I could, as well as moving in with my grandparents and starting my third semester of college. I also had to change wards.. and I was sad to leave my calling behind. I had so many changes happen within a couple months and it was hard for me to adapt to them all. But I loved having the babies around to keep me busy :) We continued to write each other and send packages back and forth. His packages were always thoughtful and made me smile. I've gotten 3 vintage cameras from him that he bought at random thrift stores and I absolutely love them.

November came and he wrote my mom a letter. This was kind of a shocking act from him, but at the same time really brave and cute. He basically stated he loved me and hoped I would wait for him. I continued to write him, and December came and I finished my classes! Woo! About a week before Christmas, I got an email asking me to wait for him... that he wanted me in his life for good because he never wanted to be away from me again after these 2 years. That he loved me and wanted me to be happy.. and that whatever my decision was, it would be ok. On Christmas, I was able to go to his parents and be with his whole family and skype him! It was so good to see him and talk with him. I told him I loved him too and that of course I would wait for my best friend. He said that 18 months was nothing compared to forever :) Such a cheesy line, but sometimes I like cheesy... ok? We later skyped with my family too later that day.

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident." -St. Augustine

Carson Stilson is my best friend. I honestly can't picture my life without him. He makes me laugh always. Even when I'm balling about something stupid. He knows all my faults and imperfections and loves me for who I am. He's my other half.

"Good luck back at home babe...We can do this. I love you with everything I've got. Thank you for being my everything. Be strong and remember how much I adore you. Thank you." -Carson